someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the day after is always just damage control
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
