Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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