I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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