if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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