you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
