Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
