I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's shark week go big or go home
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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