Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
