if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
