i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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