Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My balls are so social today.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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