he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
