Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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