i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
