During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
