no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
