Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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