the condom got lost in my hair
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
