At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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