So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
