maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
