If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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