So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
