You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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