I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
