Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize