SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
