He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
