keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
