I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
