i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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