I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize