DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
