It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
