he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
