You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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