you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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