where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
