Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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