At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
