I didn't shave. On purpose
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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