Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
