My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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