i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
