Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
