halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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