She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
