hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
