At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
