You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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