I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
