I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
