you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize