Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
