shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
