I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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