I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
