I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
