i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize