I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
