your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
