with your own penis?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize