I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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