Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize