Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize