It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i will never coherently bang her
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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