I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
